Anyone who knows me knows one of the things that bring me joy is books... Since I'm at a point where I'm not too busy, I've been going through books like water. I thank my local library for that, because I don't buy books unless I really like them.. So here are a few titles I've read.
1. On Black Sisters Street- Chika Unigwe
A bit of Difference- Sefi Atta
Wife of the Gods- Kwei Quartey
The Sins of the Father- Jeffrey Archer.
I've been waiting to get my hands on There was a Country by Chinua Achebe, So I picked up the Unigwe book whilst waiting. There's a list of books I've read on the side of the page.. Need to update that.
I'm also currently listening to this amazing singer Laura Mvulu
Her voice is pure Heaven. I'll leave you to judge.
People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so out of control that you have to transform your life…” — Elizabeth Gilbert Mood: I am currently loving love and hating love at the same time...You would think I was 21.
Life caught up with me. I have been very busy but I promise to make up the weeks I missed, I won't lie when I say these challenges are difficult (obviously they're called challenges) I tried unsuccessfully to write a letter to my parents and I broke down in tears for 2 days.. In writing these letters, I'm finding I have to admit things to myself and its not pretty, but enough chatter. Let's get on with it.
It is funny how I'm told to write a letter to a stranger and your face immediately takes form. When I was among the living and not in this state of lethargy and weakness, we saw each other every Tuesday and Thursday at 7 pm sharp. You would hop on the 2 train heading to Brooklyn and my ogling you would begin. You looked like you came straight off the pages of Italian vogue and if you noticed, you didn't show it, I digress.
The reason I'm writing you is to ask for a favor. Maybe you can help me. You see the beneficial part about writing to a stranger is well, no one sees it. I go my way you go yours, its perfect. So back to asking for your help, Will you listen to me? You see in my life, I am the vessel where everyone pours into, and when I try to do the same, It feels like I'm speaking a foreign language, So I'm hoping you're fluent in Zena.
I don't think I noticed it until someone said it. I've become defensive, hard, aggressive. I wake up, drag the day and pray for night to come. I was addressed the other day as a woman, I cringed because I am a woman, but I don't feel ready to wear that cloak yet. I am failing and flailing at this thing called life and it is a sad sight. People say you should never have regrets, but I regret everything.
I see you are rolling your eyes right now, "Do something"! I can hear your thoughts and your expression right now is well unsettling... I will say thank you for listening, I won't start to sound like a broken record. Thank you for listening,
I've had a crush on you since.....well since. Your smile, that body, your intellect, Allow me to paraphrase Darius Lovehall and believe me when I say,
"Say Mr Bing, can I be your slave?
I’ve got to admit boy, you’re the shit boy….and I’m digging you like a grave.
Now do they call you, Son of a spinning pulsar , or maybe King of a thousand
dreams? Black Adonis, that smile you put
on my face child oooh! Who am I? It’s not important. Shit! I’ll be whoever or whatever you say"
I promised I would start the letter writing process so here goes.
CHALLENGE WEEK 1: YOUR BEST FRIEND
My Dearest and Oldest Friend,
I won't lie, I struggled and grudgingly gave you this title, why? Well there have been so many unspoken words, things we have swept under the rug, but the more I struggled to fit somebody else into that slot, the more it is naturally you...It has always been you.
I have this huge smile on my face from thinking about our times together. Thirteen years feel like yesterday, and you stole my heart. You were no Morris Chestnut, no Craig David that I proclaimed would marry, but you managed to do it.
I remember vividly the day you came to my house, accompanied by our friends who were on a quest to match me up with your best friend, how Ironic that I had eyes for only you. And in true Zena style, we fought on your second visit, where you learnt I wasn't the chubby to mess with.
Your visits became steady, every Saturday I waited for you, it became the highlight of my week, I would even miss important social events just for you. When I moved to America, I cried the most for you. You cannot imagine my elation when you moved to the states as well.
We shared everything, you're attempted suicide, our kids names, my failed relationship, the difficulties with my mother, we comforted each other, prayed and we grew, Then you found God.
Our God is awesome, yes HE is, but God took you away from me...I couldn't talk with you, without your fanaticism kicking in. Who was this person? I didn't recognize you. Where was my fifteen year old boy who I adored? Your mother asked me what happened to her son, your brothers, friends all asked me where their friend was... I didn't know the answer.
The last straw that broke the camels back happened when my brother died, I called, you wouldn't answer, I tried to tell you and your words were " I cannot do this now, I cannot be there for you" Devastation, hurt, anger. We didn't speak for 2 years. I was angry with you, but I missed you. Things would happen and I would dial your number before I could stop myself.
I tried to teach my heart HATE, it wouldn't work, hearing your name alone made my heart flutter.
Things will never be the same, but I want to say Thank-you. I was at my happiest with you, I learnt true love from you, My Chelsea obsession, my love for Craig David's "Born to Do it", it all comes from you, I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for you. And for that, I say Thank-you. We're all grown up, I hope life treats you kind, I wish you love, peace, good health and happiness.