Monday, September 17, 2012


 Dear Mr Benny Bing,
I've had a crush on you since.....well since. Your smile, that body, your intellect, Allow me to paraphrase Darius Lovehall and believe me when I say,
"Say Mr Bing, can I be your slave? I’ve got to admit boy, you’re the shit boy….and I’m digging you like a grave. Now do they call you, Son of a spinning pulsar , or maybe King of a thousand dreams? Black Adonis,  that smile you put on my face child oooh! Who am I? It’s not important. Shit! I’ll be whoever or whatever you say"

Monday, September 10, 2012


I promised I would start the letter writing process so here goes.


My Dearest and Oldest Friend,

I won't lie, I struggled and grudgingly gave you this title, why? Well there have been so many unspoken words, things we have swept under the rug, but the more I struggled to fit somebody else into that slot, the more it is naturally you...It has always been you.

I have this huge smile on my face from thinking about our times together. Thirteen years feel like yesterday, and you stole my heart. You were no Morris Chestnut, no Craig David that I proclaimed would marry, but you managed to do it.

I remember vividly the day you came to my house, accompanied by our friends who were on a quest to match me up with your best friend, how Ironic that I had eyes for only you. And in true Zena style, we fought on your second visit, where you learnt I wasn't the chubby to mess with.

Your visits became steady, every Saturday I waited for you, it became the highlight of my week, I would even miss important social events just for you. When I moved to America, I cried the most for you. You cannot imagine my elation when you moved to the states as well.

We shared everything, you're attempted suicide, our kids names, my failed relationship, the difficulties with my mother, we comforted each other, prayed and we grew, Then you found God.

Our God is awesome, yes HE is, but God took you away from me...I couldn't talk with you, without your fanaticism kicking in. Who was this person? I didn't recognize you. Where was my fifteen year old boy who I adored? Your mother asked me what happened to her son, your brothers, friends all asked me where their friend was... I didn't know the answer.

The last straw that broke the camels back happened when my brother died, I called, you wouldn't answer, I tried to tell you and your words were " I cannot do this now, I cannot be there for you" Devastation, hurt, anger. We didn't speak for 2 years. I was angry with you, but I missed you. Things would happen and I would dial your number before I could stop myself. 

I tried to teach my heart HATE, it wouldn't work, hearing your name alone made my heart flutter.

Things will never be the same, but I want to say Thank-you. I was at my happiest with you, I learnt true love from you, My Chelsea obsession, my love for Craig David's "Born to Do it", it all comes from you, I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for you. And for that, I say Thank-you. We're all grown up, I hope life treats you kind, I wish you love, peace, good health and happiness.

Love you,

Friday, September 7, 2012

And She Keeps coming back


I'm back, I'll be honest, the thought of looking at that there post below, made me cringe!!!! I've fought with deleting it, but I won't, I'll just simply move on.

So, in an effort to try and blog more, I'll do the The 30 Day Letter Challenge, that I stumbled on in Bassey Ikpi's tumblr. You write a letter everyday to someone... I don't know if I'll be able to do one a day, but I will write to each and every single person it says too. I'll put the list up for anyone who wants to participate. They might be more fictitious, some based on reality, so wish me luck!!

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror