Life caught up with me. I have been very busy but I promise to make up the weeks I missed, I won't lie when I say these challenges are difficult (obviously they're called challenges) I tried unsuccessfully to write a letter to my parents and I broke down in tears for 2 days.. In writing these letters, I'm finding I have to admit things to myself and its not pretty, but enough chatter. Let's get on with it.
Dear Stranger,
It is funny how I'm told to write a letter to a stranger and your face immediately takes form. When I was among the living and not in this state of lethargy and weakness, we saw each other every Tuesday and Thursday at 7 pm sharp. You would hop on the 2 train heading to Brooklyn and my ogling you would begin. You looked like you came straight off the pages of Italian vogue and if you noticed, you didn't show it, I digress.
The reason I'm writing you is to ask for a favor. Maybe you can help me. You see the beneficial part about writing to a stranger is well, no one sees it. I go my way you go yours, its perfect. So back to asking for your help, Will you listen to me? You see in my life, I am the vessel where everyone pours into, and when I try to do the same, It feels like I'm speaking a foreign language, So I'm hoping you're fluent in Zena.
I don't think I noticed it until someone said it. I've become defensive, hard, aggressive. I wake up, drag the day and pray for night to come. I was addressed the other day as a woman, I cringed because I am a woman, but I don't feel ready to wear that cloak yet. I am failing and flailing at this thing called life and it is a sad sight. People say you should never have regrets, but I regret everything.
I see you are rolling your eyes right now, "Do something"! I can hear your thoughts and your expression right now is well unsettling... I will say thank you for listening, I won't start to sound like a broken record. Thank you for listening,
Thank you for your time,
Zena.
