LETTER WRITING CHALLENGE WEEK 6 : A STRANGER

Hello All,

Life caught up with me. I have been very busy but I promise to make up the weeks I missed, I won't lie when I say these challenges are difficult (obviously they're called challenges) I tried unsuccessfully to write a letter to my parents and I broke down in tears for 2 days.. In writing these letters, I'm finding I have to admit things to myself and its not pretty, but enough chatter. Let's get on with it.

Dear Stranger,

It is funny how I'm told to write a letter to a stranger and your face immediately takes form. When I was among the living and not in this state of lethargy and weakness, we saw each other every Tuesday and Thursday at 7 pm sharp. You would hop on the 2 train heading to Brooklyn and my ogling you would begin. You looked like you came straight off the pages of Italian vogue and if you noticed, you didn't show it, I digress.

The reason I'm writing you is to ask for a favor. Maybe you can help me. You see the beneficial part about writing to a stranger is well, no one sees it. I go my way you go yours, its perfect. So back to asking for your help, Will you listen to me? You see in my life, I am the vessel where everyone pours into, and when I try to do the same, It feels like I'm speaking a foreign language, So I'm hoping you're fluent in Zena.

I don't think I noticed it until someone said it. I've become defensive,  hard, aggressive. I wake up, drag the day and pray for night to come. I was addressed the other day as a woman, I cringed because I am a woman, but I don't feel ready to wear that cloak yet. I am failing and flailing at this thing called life and it is a sad sight. People say you should never have regrets, but I regret everything.

I see you are rolling your eyes right now, "Do something"! I can hear your thoughts and your expression right now is well unsettling... I will say thank you for listening, I won't start to sound like a broken record. Thank you for listening,

Thank you for your time,

Zena.

LETTER WRITING CHALLENGE WEEK 2 — Your Crush

 Dear Mr Benny Bing,

I've had a crush on you since.....well since. Your smile, that body, your intellect, Allow me to paraphrase Darius Lovehall and believe me when I say,

"Say Mr Bing, can I be your slave? I’ve got to admit boy, you’re the shit boy….and I’m digging you like a grave. Now do they call you, Son of a spinning pulsar , or maybe King of a thousand dreams? Black Adonis,  that smile you put on my face child oooh! Who am I? It’s not important. Shit! I’ll be whoever or whatever you say"

THE BEGINNING: THE LETTER WRITING CHALLENGE

I promised I would start the letter writing process so here goes.

CHALLENGE WEEK 1: YOUR BEST FRIEND

My Dearest and Oldest Friend,

I won't lie, I struggled and grudgingly gave you this title, why? Well there have been so many unspoken words, things we have swept under the rug, but the more I struggled to fit somebody else into that slot, the more it is naturally you...It has always been you.

I have this huge smile on my face from thinking about our times together. Thirteen years feel like yesterday, and you stole my heart. You were no Morris Chestnut, no Craig David that I proclaimed would marry, but you managed to do it.

I remember vividly the day you came to my house, accompanied by our friends who were on a quest to match me up with your best friend, how Ironic that I had eyes for only you. And in true Zena style, we fought on your second visit, where you learnt I wasn't the chubby to mess with.

Your visits became steady, every Saturday I waited for you, it became the highlight of my week, I would even miss important social events just for you. When I moved to America, I cried the most for you. You cannot imagine my elation when you moved to the states as well.

We shared everything, you're attempted suicide, our kids names, my failed relationship, the difficulties with my mother, we comforted each other, prayed and we grew, Then you found God.

Our God is awesome, yes HE is, but God took you away from me...I couldn't talk with you, without your fanaticism kicking in. Who was this person? I didn't recognize you. Where was my fifteen year old boy who I adored? Your mother asked me what happened to her son, your brothers, friends all asked me where their friend was... I didn't know the answer.

The last straw that broke the camels back happened when my brother died, I called, you wouldn't answer, I tried to tell you and your words were " I cannot do this now, I cannot be there for you" Devastation, hurt, anger. We didn't speak for 2 years. I was angry with you, but I missed you. Things would happen and I would dial your number before I could stop myself. 

I tried to teach my heart HATE, it wouldn't work, hearing your name alone made my heart flutter.

Things will never be the same, but I want to say Thank-you. I was at my happiest with you, I learnt true love from you, My Chelsea obsession, my love for Craig David's "Born to Do it", it all comes from you, I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for you. And for that, I say Thank-you. We're all grown up, I hope life treats you kind, I wish you love, peace, good health and happiness.

Love you,

           

                       Zena

And She Keeps coming back

Yes!

I'm back, I'll be honest, the thought of looking at that there post below, made me cringe!!!! I've fought with deleting it, but I won't, I'll just simply move on.

So, in an effort to try and blog more, I'll do the The 30 Day Letter Challenge, that I stumbled on in Bassey Ikpi's tumblr. You write a letter everyday to someone... I don't know if I'll be able to do one a day, but I will write to each and every single person it says too. I'll put the list up for anyone who wants to participate. They might be more fictitious, some based on reality, so wish me luck!!

WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Saying Hello

I believe I'm getting over my hiccups, but Helloo!!!! Is there anyone home?

TO BLOG OR NOT TO BLOG? THAT IS THE QUESTION

It has been exactly two years since my brother died. Where has the time gone? My niece is an old sage trapped in a baby's body and my nephew? He's what you would call a fine boy, a handsome bobo complete with a dimpled smile and puppy dog eyes. He's a heart-breaker alright, and I love him to bits. Talk about someone loving you completely, its pure magic.

My sister is coping and we give thanks to God for that. And I? I'm still as lost as I was from day one. It has been two years and I cannot tell you what I have done with my time. Ironically, I'm still battling with the same things. I started sprawlings because I needed an outlet for things I had bottled up for years, and now I need that therapeutic release once more, and what better way to do it than embarrass myself on the world wide web.

Here's to more sprawlings

Decisions

And for the only 3 people that still check the blog, it is with a heavy heart that I say Goodbye. I should've done this a long time ago, but I kept prolonging it, wishing that the magic would come back to me. I'll leave this up for a week, but after that...... I might appear again, but for now...

Love you guys